


Undercover Plumbers

by narwhalpuppy



Category: American Dad!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:21:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/narwhalpuppy/pseuds/narwhalpuppy
Summary: Sent by The CIA to prevent a religious cult from robbing a rich family.   Stan and Roger go undercover as plumbers.





	Undercover Plumbers

American Dad Presents

A Narwhal Puppy Production

Undercover Plumbers. 

Sitting at his desk at the CIA, Stan Smith for a week straight has not been called lately to take down any terrorists or criminals. "Why is Bullock always sending Dick or Jackson lately? Is he playing favorites?" Stan pondered to himself. His lucky break comes his way as Stan hears Bullock yell, "SMITH! GET IN HERE!" Running with excitement, Stan actually runs into Bullock's office. 

"Up and at them and ready for action sir!" salutes Stan. "You didn't have to run, Smith." Well, I couldn't help it Bullock." Stan tells him. "I realize I have been unfair to you this past week, always giving missions to Dick and Jackson a lot lately." said Bullock with realization. "Do you have something for me to do Bullock? Perhaps a mystery to crack?" asks Stan eagerly. "I do. I've been investigating that a religious cult from greater Chimdale is planning to rob the richest family in Langley Falls." explains Bullock. "The Ballincourts?" asks Stan. "Yes, from what I gathered, the religious cult is losing money so that is their motive for doing this." Bullock tells Stan. "Ballincourts! Their last name sounds like Bellacourt like that turn of the century family in Another Period!" said Stan. "Yes indeed it does, Stan. So since I sent almost all my agents out on missions, you're the only one left. Don't let me down with this and bring this cult to justice!" orders Bullock. "Oh you bet I will!" Stan vows. "You must go at it alone." told Bullock. "Just like Dateline NBC, Go it Alone instead of Don't Watch Alone!" laughs Stan. 

Stan takes his SUV to drive to the Ballincourt's mansion. Stan also gets some dibs on the cult before he goes. "A-ha! It's a Jehovas Witness Cult. Who does mass marriages. Their leader is named Manson Jeffs. Your ass is as good as mine, Manson Jeffs!" Stan says when he puts his keys in the ignition and drives to his destination. Riding along the city Stan turns on the radio and the song Pretty Pimpin by Kurt Vile plays. "The spirit of the 90s is still living on!" said Stan as he was listening to the song. On his way to the Ballincourt Mansion, Stan sees a mob of people chase Roger. "Oh shit! What did you do now, Roger!" Stan said. Roger sees Stan in the SUV and he jumps inside. "Floor it! Stan! Hurry! Floor it!" demanded Roger. "No I won't! What do you think this is? Fast And The Furious?" 

Seeing the angry mob from far away as he drove. "What the hell is going on with you now, Roger!?" shouted Stan. Roger was dressed as the Cab Driver from the MTV promos. Asking off the cuff, Stan adds, "You're not being Ricky Spanish again, are you?" Roger explains, "No, not exactly. I'm Jimmy the Cab Driver. The dude Donal Logue used to play on those MTV commercials." 

"At least you're not James Corden doing Carpool Karaoke. What's the story here?" asked Stan. Roger says, "When I picking up people in my cab. Then I drugged them and robbed them. Somehow the people I was driving around had family members who found out what I was doing!" 

"It's like you're being Cardi B instead of stripping you're a cab driver." said Stan. "That's my story, what's yours?" asked Roger. "Bullock wants me to drive to the Ballincourt Mansion to protect the richest family in Langley Falls who's going to be robbed by a Jehovas Witness Cult!" explains Stan. "Oh cool! Perhaps you and I can be partners in this!" said Roger. "Unfortunately Bullock wants me to do this alone.....but......you can redeem yourself in my eyes if you help me out with this!" said Stan.

"I'd be delighted to! We going undercover, right?" asked Roger. "Exactly." said Stan. Fluttered with excitement, Roger says rubbing his hands together, "This is going to be so much fun! Let's be Nick Nolte and Eddie Murphy in 48 Hours! Or to be more with the times, we can be like Duane Johnson and Kevin Hart in Undercover Brother!" 

"Nope, we are not doing anything from movies. In fact, I have a better idea." said Stan as he pulled up into a rest stop. Stan gets out some jumpsuits for him and Roger to wear as they enter the Men's Room. The jumpsuits read ACME PLUMBING on the back. 

"What up with these asshat jumpsuits, Stan?" asked Roger. "We're going to be plumbers instead." said Stan. 

Roger was fine with Stan's plan. Going back into the SUV Stan and Roger make their way to the Ballincourt Mansion. Across the highway in Chimdale, there was Manson Jeffs and his two wives Sarah and Catherine. 

"My yes! There it is my no longer virgin wives! The Ballincourt Mansion." said Manson Jeffs. 

"That's where they keep the money, right?" asked Catherine. 

"Yes it is. Once we get it, our cult can keep going on forever and ever more. For many generations and generations!" said Manson Jeffs. 

"It's in a safe. You sent me to listen in on those Ballincourts and I saw they keep the money in a giant safe." said Sarah. 

"I taught you both well. Even cults need money. Now it is time!" said Manson Jeffs. 

Proceeding with their evil plot, Manson Jeffs and his wives were headed towards the Ballincourt Mansion. 

Stan and Roger had arrived there. A Butler came out to greet them as they exited the Smith Family SUV. Roger got two boxes of tools that Stan kept in the trunk. 

Walking up to the front door, Roger sees the Butler, "I bet he's one of those British Butlers who keeps saying, 'I say there'"! "Don't let him hear you!" said Stan. "Gentlemen!" The Butler called them, "I called you plumbers an hour ago. Get up there and fix the leak before it gets any worse!" 

"Show us where the leak is, and we'll fix it! But it'll cost you!" said Stan. 

"Right this way gentlemen." said the Butler who leads Stan and Roger inside the Ballincourt Mansion. Both were impressed with the architecture. "Why do these people live in Langley Falls? They ought to move to LA or something!" said Stan. 

"This reminds me of a mansion I used to own when I was Max Jets!" said Roger. 

The Butler was taking Stan and Roger to a basement where the leak was. Roger asks the Butler, "Excuse me! Do you have any Grey Poupon!" Stan hits Roger upside the head, "Stop that! Don't make an ass of yourself in the presence of rich people! Be like Dan Ackroyd in Trading Places or Leonardo DiCapprio in The Wolf of Wall Street! You like them!" The Butler says, "You both can get started." then makes his leave. 

"How in the hell are we going to fix this, Stan? Neither of us knows jack shit about plumbing!" said Roger. 

"Didn't really think this one through, did we?" says Stan who then has an idea. "I did pay plenty of attention in shop class when I was in high school! One of the things that made me the man I am today!" "How about we use those Do It Yourself Books from Time Life?" asked Roger. "No! We do this ourselves." said Stan. Roger gets his iPhone, "No internet!" 

"We need a plan in case those religious wackos show up." implies Roger putting away his iPhone. "Leave that to me. In the meantime, dig in the front yard and see if you can find where the leak is coming from." orders Stan. 

Roger gets a shovel that was mounted on a wall, he begins to walk away with it, but Stan's jumpsuit got caught in the handle. "Hey! Hey! Turn me loose! Turn me loose you asshole!" Roger struggled to pull the shovel. "Something seems to be stuck here!" "Yes, it's me you son of a bitch! Untangle me and you're going to get some shit stuck up your ass! Then you'll have to shit it out again!" Roger with all his might pulls the shovel out from Stan's jumpsuit tearing his jumpsuit in half. Stan gets angered then he tries to chase after Roger. 

"Come back here you!" Roger manages to run away from Stan. "I didn't do it on purpose!" shouts back Roger. Stan fights back with, "You do everything on purpose! And whatever you do don't ruin this mission for me!" Stan gives up and puts on another jumpsuit that was in the pocket of the one he was wearing that Roger ripped apart. Roger walks out into the backyard and begins to dig. Just as he is about to start he hears two kids bickering next door. An older brother and a younger sister. "Shit! Why must I do all the outside work to the sound of children fighting! I'd rather listen to 6ix9ine!" 

The kids shouted at one another. 

"NO! I'm Shredder and YOU'RE BAXTER STOCKMAN!" 

"NUH UH! You're Baxter Stockman! And I'm Shredder!" 

"I'm older! So I get to be the main villain!" 

"When can I be the main villain instead of always being a stupid sidekick!" 

SHUT THE (BEEP) UP! SOME OF US HERE ARE TRYING TO WORK!" Roger screams at the kids. 

The boy and girl run back into their house terrified. 

"There! That's better!" said Roger as he started to dig in the front yard. 

* 

Inside a ballroom at the Ballincourts they were having a typical swanky party. The Butler tells the Husband and Wife. 

"Mr. and Mrs. Ballincourt. The Plumbers are here to fix that leak." the Butler advises them. 

"Wonderful news. We won't let a little leak spoiled our little fun." said Mr. Ballincourt. 

"Would you care to dance?" asked Mrs. Ballincourt. 

"Splendid. Just like we did in the olden days of our courtship." said Mr. Ballincourt. 

The Butler says, "Everyone circle around! We must let Mr. and Mrs Ballincourt take center stage as this is indeed their 50th anniversary! So let's hear it!" 

Everyone in the Ballincourt family claps for them as Mr. and Mrs. Ballincourt waltz to the sound of slow dance music. 

"AND TO ANOTHER 50 MORE! IF THEY LIVE THAT LONG!" said a heckler. 

Outside unaware of the danger that was lurking, Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine were watching. In the basement, Stan was trying like hell to fix the leak. Roger was still digging in the front yard. The brother and sister continued to nastily argue, which had Roger almost going over the edge. "No, I'm Dr. Robotnik! And You're Snively!" "NO! But I don't wanna be Snively! I wanna be Robotnik!" "Grrrr, there they go again!" Roger said as he tried to break the shovel in half out of frustration.

Manson Jeffs says, "Perfect, we'll use the backway to get inside." 

"I believe the backway is what leads to the safe." said Sarah. 

"I taught you well." said Manson Jeffs. 

Catherine says walking over to the backway that was a underground cellar door. "Look how easy it is to open this!" 

Sarah, Manson Jeff, and Catherine laugh. "Think they didn't want to spend a lot on home security! Is there such as thing as rich cheap skates?" 

Entering the backway, they all see the safe. "We made it!" 

"Jesus lead us here!" 

"The Lord was our Shepherd." 

"Thou Shalt Not Steal My Ass! I want that money to continue our failing cult!" said Manson Jeffs. 

"God and Jesus would've wanted it that way!" said Sarah. 

In the basement, Stan was using a monkey wrench to unscrew the leaking drain. The drain broke in half. "Oh! Holy Sh......." Stan puts it back together the best he could. "This is what they told us in shop class! What I wouldn't give for some Flex Steal!" 

The Butler walks out into the front yard and sees Roger digging a hole deep enough to put in an above ground pool. "I'll find this leak or else!" 

"STOP IT! STOP IT! You're ruining the lawn!" spouted the Butler to Roger. 

"Don't tell me how to do my business, beat it!" Roger shouted. 

"Put that shovel back where it belongs!" orders the Butler. 

Roger hits the Butler in the face with the shovel he was using. "Gave him the old Shaun of The Dead approach!" 

Digging some more, Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine were inside the cellar observing the safe. 

"And now, let's pray!" 

Stan thinks he hears something. "Sounds like praying!" Stan puts his ear to the basement floor and he hears Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine. "(gasp)! It's them! Gotta find Roger." 

Roger was still digging then he hears the bickering brother and sister again. 

"NO! I'm Lawrence Limburger and you're Dr. Karbuncle!" 

"Why do I have to be Dr. Karbuncle! I wanna be Lawrence Limburger!" 

"You know the rules, I'm older!" 

"I don't wanna follow your lead anymore! When I can be Lawrence Limburger?" 

"I'll tell you when, never! You're being Dr. Karbuncle and that's IT!" 

Roger jumps over the face and chases both kids with the shovel he was using. 

"I'VE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOU (BEEP) FREAKS!" 

The brother and sister ran back inside their house. Stan joins Roger. 

"ROGER! ROGER! They're here! I heard them!" said Stan.

"This is where I come in and help?" asked Roger. 

"Not really yet no. We're going to make a big one-eighty climbdown." said Stan. "Instead of digging, you're going upstairs to the bathroom to shut down the water." 

"Thank (beep) I was getting so sick of digging! You would not believe the horse shit I had to put up with!" said Roger who was alleviated he didn't have to dig anymore. "I couldn't find the leak in the ground anyway." 

Stan and Roger head back to the mansion. Stan returns to the basement and Roger goes to the upstairs bathroom. Seeing steam coming from under the door, Roger says, "It's the leak! So that's where it is coming from!" 

Goes inside the bathroom and hears a shower is on with the curtain closed. Roger knocks and sings in the tune of Shave And A Hair Cut, "Needer needer Knock Knock! Who's there!" A man comes out of the shower and asks, "What can I do for you, sir?" "Geez, everyone here talks like they live in the House of Elliot!" said Roger. "I beg your pardon sir?" said the man in the shower. "I need to shut off this water because there's a leak in the basement." said Roger. "But I'm taking a bawth!" said the man. "Think you mean, BAATTHH!" "A bawth!" "Bawth bath bawth bath bawth! You better get your wet shit outta here because I'm going to shut off this water!" said Roger. The man agrees to step out of the shower and Roger slaps him in the behind. 

"Gotta nice ass there! You use botox?" The man was frightened, "BWAH! You assaulted me!" and ran away from the bathroom. Roger shouts, "Why don't you go start a He-Too Movement then?" Roger proceeds to try to turn off the shower. The water was still running. Roger got a toolbox that Stan gave him. "Nothing a little wrench action won't do!" said Roger. He uses the wrench to tighten the faucets but instead the valve breaks off with water running everywhere. "I know!" Roger said as he added some pipes to the valve where the faucet used to be. Water ran out of the pipe Roger added. "Awww, son of a bitch!" Roger gets one pipe after another and connects all the pipes. Downstairs, Stan finally fixed the broken pipe. "Now to see what those religious nuts are up to!" Stan spies on Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine when he watches them open the safe and steal the money inside. "Uh! And BINGO!" 

In the bathroom, Roger serendipitiously connected all the pies, thus trapping himself in a cage made with the pipes he connects. "That should do it now!" Roger laughs holding the open end of the pipe. Then lets go. The water ran from the pipes non stop Roger looks around to see what a boatload of muddle he got himself into. "AAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! SSSSSSHHHHIIIITTTT! WHAT THE ACTUAL (BEEP)! STAN!! HHEEELLLLPPPP!" Roger reaches for the toolbox and gets a power drill, "Gotta get this water out!" Roger uses the drill to make a hole on the bathroom floor. At the swanky party the Ballincourts were having, they all noticed water leaking from the ceiling that caused some water to fall out. Screams were heard. Mrs Ballincourt asks, "What is going on here?" The Butler says, "It's the plumbers Madam and they're wrecking the house!" Mr. Ballincourt grabs his iPhone, "I'll put a stop to that!" When he obtains his iPhone, Mr. Ballincourt gets a face full of water. "No matter, I'll take my guests to the courtyard. Nothing will ruin this anniversary for us." 

Stan was spying on Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine. Roger got done drilling the hole to free himself from the pipe cage and he lands directly on Stan. "Who did that!" Stan turns around and sees it was Roger. "Roger! Explain this!" 

"I was trying to fix the leak in the bathroom....." as Roger was going to explain, they were meet by Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine. 

"Think we have some spies!" said Catherine.

"Spying is a sin!" said Manson Jeffs. "With which you would go to hell for it!" 

"You're one to talk about sins! What about what you're doing?" said Stan as he gets his gun and points it at Manson Jeffs, "Think I don't know who you are? You're from that Jehova Witness Cult!" 

"And who do you think you are?" asked Sarah. 

"Stan Smith, CIA! I was sent here to bring you to justice! Your cult ends now!" 

* 

Becoming a stand off, Manson Jeffs gloats to Stan. "You came a little too late. We already got the money!" 

Catherine and Sarah take out the bag of money they stole from the safe then it suddenly disappeared in a flash. 

"What! Where did it go!?" Manson Jeffs says. Some water from the upstairs bathroom splashed on the cult members. 

"WHO DID THAT!" 

Roger calls from above, "I did! You've been baptized! Oink Oink Oink Oink Oink! That's from Dazed and Confused. And you guys are Ben Affleck!" 

"AFTER THEM!" Manson Jeffs ordered as he, Sarah, and Catherine chased Roger upstairs. 

"Never should have trusted Roger! He just wanted to steal this assignment for himself. Why do I always ask Roger for help! WHY?!?!" said Stan, rolling his eyes and kneeling then gets up. "Guess I better go after them!" 

Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine were chasing Roger around the mansion. "Come back here! We need that money for our cult!" 

"The Lord Giveth and it Taketh Away! Later assholes!" Roger said teasing them as he was being chased. Stan was close behind.

The chase stems from the ball room, the stairway, the basement, and eventually headed to the Courtyard where a Magic Show was going on. 

A Magician has a lady assistant go inside a wooden box. "And now......my friend here (who I am going to bang later) is going inside this box!" The lady goes inside the wooden box and the Magician gets out a gun, "Now I will fire the magic shot." A gunshot was heard and the Magician opens the box, "What do we have here, the little....." The lady assistant screams running out of the wooden box. Roger came out and was running away with the money cult members stole. 

"Don't mind me! Some cult members are after me they tried to steal your money!" said Roger. Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine come out of the box and chase Roger. Stan runs into the courtyard. "Excuse me! Did you guys see a funny looking man being chased by cult members come by here?" asked Stan. 

The Ballincourts all pointed to the direction they saw Roger, Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine run out. "Okay thank you!" said Stan. Mr. and Mrs. Ballincourt decide to go see what it going on. "Watch our places for us!" "But why?" asked one of their family members. "So we can see what the (beep) is going on!" shouted Mrs. Ballincourt. 

Roger was being chased into the upstairs bathroom. The hole he drilled from before, Roger covered with a bath mat. "That's too dangerous!" 

Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine catch up to Roger in the upstairs bathroom. "There you are! Hand over that money! NOW!" yelled Manson Jeffs. Roger sees this as a perfect opportunity to outwit the cult members. "All right. You win. You can have your money. Good luck with the mass marriages, spitting on holidays, and virgin sacrifices! Or whatever it is you guys do!" said Roger then he holds out the bag of money. 

"Why the long pause! Throw it over to us!" said Sarah. "Come and get it!" dared Roger. "If you're going to make this easy then...." as Catherine was about to finish, she fell through the bathroom floor from where Roger drilled it, thanks to the bath rug, Manson Jeffs, and Sarah fell down the hole too. 

"Now that's what I call a Watering Hole!" laughed Roger as he jumped down the hole. Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine were now in the basement. Stan has finally caught up with them. Mr. and Mrs. Ballincourt burst into the basement demanding an explaination. 

"You have some explaining to do gentlemen!" said Mr. Ballincourt. "There had better be a good reason why you ruined our whole plumbing system!" said Mrs. Ballincourt. 

Stan spills the beans, "Okay then fine. Confession is good for the soul. I was never a plumber. I'm really a CIA Agent who was working undercover as a plumber. My partner here was helping me stop some cult members, these ass shits right here, " Stan said pointing to Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine. "Who were stealing money from your safe. 

"Here's the money bag to prove it." said Roger throwing the money bag as Mr. Ballincourt caught it. "Well gentlemen. Thank you for doing a such a good deed. Good thing you guys came here or else we would've been robbed blind." said Mrs. Ballincourt. "I'll call the police." said Mr. Ballincourt going upstairs. 

"We're sorry for ruining your plumbing systems," apologized Stan. "Oh think nothing of it. This house means nothing to us. Just a worthless mansion in the suburbs is all it is. Our real house is in Dupont Circle. Visit us sometime." said Mrs. Ballincourt. 

Shortly after the police arrived to arrest Manson Jeffs, Sarah, and Catherine. The Jehova Witness was shut down and the Ballincourts gave some money to the city to have a park get built where the cult once stood. The Ballincourts decide to invite Stan and Roger to come and visit anytime they pleased. 

Stan and Roger go inside the SUV and drive home. "Wow Roger! You really came through. Explain to me how you did that." said Stan. 

Roger tells Stan, "While they were showing you the bag of money, I jumped into the air in a split second. Then I monkeyed on the hole I made by hanging from my knees and took the bag of money. Then I took a shower head and sprayed it at those cock suckers!" 

"You were really awesome back there! I really should trust you more. Here I thought you were going to take all the glory for it!" admitted Stan. "Bet you're thankful that I saved your ass in Area 51!" gleemed Roger. "Always will be. Bringing you home to my family we've had a lot of wild rides!" said Stan. "We will have even more wild rides to come!" said Roger. 

At a red light, Stan calls Bullock on his cellphone. "Hello, Bullock! Stan Smith! The suspects are in custody, we recovered the money and the mission is accomplished." 

"Uhh, Stan." said Roger looking at his cellphone. "Think you might've called the wrong number!" 

The voice on the other end said, "WHO THE (BEEP) IS THIS! I DON'T KNOW YOU! HANG UP DUMBASS!" 

"Oh shit!" said Stan who turned over to Roger, "There you go helping me again!" 

"I know! I'll call the CIA and pretend to be you! I can do voices." suggests Roger. 

"Go ahead! I trust you!" said Stan. 

The Proceeding Has Been A Narwhal Puppy Production!


End file.
